I sometimes cringe when I hear people talk about the difficulties those with autism have when it comes to socializing.
It is not uncommon knowledge that those with ASD are inflexible with certain word definitions and meaning, but it’s important to also realize those without ASD can be inflexible as well. The words being social, socialization, and socializing are among the words I cringe at when I hear people talking about them in relation to a person with ASD.
I wanted to write the definition of those words here but seeing that there are several (5+) definitions versions of each I will not. I cannot even write the most relevant definition to what I mean bc in the definition there are more words that would need defining…interruptions of a definition are largely based on perception and thinking styles. So for the sake of this blog I want to share with you one of my interpretations of the word socializing.
For me socializing can just be doing an activity in the same energy space as another-verbal interaction doesn’t have to occur, nor do we need to be working on the same project or activity. I like being with people. I like interacting with people. My ways of interacting may not look like your ways all of the time, but I am still interacting and I am still being social. From my experiences when “socialization” is forced many times the person with ASD is trying so hard to do everything right and real socialization becomes impossible; it turns into a theatrical act and the person with ASD once again is hidden behind a mask.
Many activities others find as “social” I find as antisocial because I am not in an environment where I can be me to be social. This can leave me feeling sad. I have found a few places where I can truly be social and one of those is Zumba class at my gym. I wrote a journal about this and shared it with the instructor who asked if I could also share it with the class. Today, I want to share it with you but first let me explain a little about my class. It’s more of a Zumba gold class-so for older folks. The tempo and moves are more tame and the majority of the participants have 30+ years on me. I enjoy this class bc I can actually participate without people giving me weird looks for my dancing despite the very wide birth they always give me (for those who have never seen me do Zumba…well I do it Kim style-jumping nonstop, arms flailing, feet going to their own beat/tempo, strange face contortions, spinning more than instructed, etc…).
Now for my journal and what I shared with my class….
Zumba is more than just a fitness class, it’s a time and place for me to just be me!
Hi! My name is Kim and I am the girl in Zumba who always likes to jump and twirl. I am sometimes afraid of bumping into people because of not always knowing where my body is in time and space. I am usually dancing to my own beat and I wear earplugs because the music can be too loud. I want to share something I wrote after class one day…
socialization
“Zumba class is the one place where I feel as if I can be completely myself. I can let go of all expectations. I can move to my own beat, freely. Unrestricted. I can twirl and jump and stomp. My energy intermingling with those around me. I dance with everyone. No words are said. no eye contact is given. Speaking freely through our movement and through our spirits.
We are jumping and flapping our arms. We are doing it together. In those moments I feel as if they came to visit me in my world. I feel accepted and I feel included. I am sad when the music stops and they leave and I am once again alone in their world.”
Let me explain…
socialization
Before and after class people are talking and chatting with each other. I want to be friendly and join in. I want to get to know people, but I can’t. However, when the music is going and we are dancing I am talking with you and you are talking with me. We do it through our movements and I feel happy to be a part of the group.
You see I have autism and sensory processing disorder (SPD). This means that it is often difficult for me to “socialize” because the environment can be too much for me to process. I can lose my ability to speak or I can have extreme difficulty getting my words from my head to my mouth. I want to engage in conversations and I like talking with people, it can just be really hard for me to do.
Zumba offers me the chance to get to know you and I want to say thank you for that 😊
socialization